


Time Has Told Me

by dsa_archivist



Category: due South
Genre: M/M, Romance, Series: Aaron Copland Tetralogy, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-10-08
Updated: 2000-10-08
Packaged: 2018-11-10 14:45:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11128992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: Fraser shares something from his past with RayThis story is a sequel toStella by Starlight.





	Time Has Told Me

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

 

Time Has Told Me

 

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# Part Two of the Aaron Copland Tetralogy.

Nick Drake was a fine folk guitarist and brilliant song writer who, sadly, chose to end his life in his mid twenties. He released only three albums and they are still major sellers today, twenty or more years after his death.

# Time Has Told Me

_Time has told me you are a rare, rare find_

 _A troubled cure for a troubled mind Nick Drake_

It was Steve McKenzie who introduced me to Nick Drake.Not literally, of course.He'd been dead for more than ten years by the time I first heard him sing.

It was 1981 and Steve and I shared a posting in Whitehorse.And a bed.I was 21 and my first male lover.I know that probably surprises you, maybe even shocks you, but there was a time when Benton Fraser was not the reserved man you know now.

Steve was ten years my senior and my mentor in so many ways.I suppose you could say he was an unremarkable man; not particularly tall, not even particularly handsome.But he was a good man and he taught me many things.It was he who showed me first hand how to be a good policeman and it was from him that I learned many of the skills and habits that make me who I am today.It might surprise you to learn that it was from Steve I first learned the phrase 'thank you kindly'.

I learned more from Steve than how to be a good policeman.Naturally, as my first male lover, he instructed me in the mechanics of male-to-male sex, but I learned much more than that.There were things he taught me in bed and out that enable me to be the lover that I am now.But I digress.

Steve was a music lover.I recall many pleasant weekends locked away in Steve's cabin making love, eating and listening to music the likes of which I had never heard before.Steve's musical collection was diverse; simple piano concertos by obscure European composers, avante garde jazz musicians from third world countries, screaming delta blues guitarists, simple acoustic guitar music.There was nothing I could name that Steve could not produce from his vast collection.

The sad and lonely English singer, Nick Drake, was a favourite of Steve's and he played his music frequently.In the years that have passed since that time I have often wondered why I never thought the Nick Drake songs that Steve played to me in his candle lit cabin were 'our songs'.I have decided that it is because, no matter how pleasant our time together was, we were never in love.

Don't think that Steve was cold to me or hurt me in any way, because that is simply not true.The year we spent as lovers in Whitehorse was a time of warmth and affection for both us.It's just that we were never, ever going to fall in love.When I was finally offered a posting elsewhere, I accepted without thought of what Steve might think and when I left, he hugged me and wished me well, then we went our separate ways.

I think about him from time to time and our paths have even crossed a few times over the years.When my father was killed Steve sent me a lovely letter.I telephoned to thank him and we spoke for two hours.Now he lives in Tuktoyaktuk with his lover.

So what does this have to do with Nick Drake?

For the first time tonight I understood a song that Steve played to me more than fifteen years ago.In the song, Mr Drake sings to someone that they are 'a troubled cure for a troubled mind'.When he played it, Steve told me that he hoped one day I would find the cure for my troubled mind.I didn't understand what he meant then, but it made me feel sad and a little hopeful, even though that confused me at the time.

Now, over the distance of fifteen years and thousands of kilometres, I finally understand what Steve was trying to tell me, for I have found my troubled cure.

How it had happened I can't really say.All I know is that somehow some deity or other worldly force knew better than I exactly what I needed and saw that it was provided.Somehow, miraculously, I have managed the rest myself.And miraculous it is, of that I have no doubt.

After the Victoria debacle, I managed to convince myself that love for me was over.So strong was her influence on my troubled mind that I actually believed I was unworthy.I shunned closeness of all kinds and any sign of physical affection had me running.Except from Ray Vecchio.I allowed his friendship to become close because it was safe.I knew it would never become more than that.

Then Detective Ray Kowalski appeared in my life.

Ray Kowalski, in his own way, is as troubled as I.Our love lives have both taken similar turns.Like me, he has suffered from a long lasting devotion to one woman.Like me, he is isolated from the rest of the world, alone in his tiny apartment.But despite all that, or maybe because of it, we seem to fit.He is the troubled cure for my troubled mind.

Tomorrow I will buy a Nick Drake CD and play Time Has Told Me for him.Maybe it will become our song.

Copyright October 2000

Comments welcome at


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